April 1999

COMMITMENT

"What does make a happy family?"

She continues, "Family counselors and therapists have come up with a definition that covers all the possibilities:

Members of a functional, happy family are committed to each other's well-being. It means that to be a family member, a person has to care a lot. But a person isn't considered a family member if he or she moves in for a little while, then moves out again.

They share many of the same values and goals and help each other reach their goals. This could include a commitment to help get the kids through school or to save money for a vacation or a special purpose.

They share responsibilities and chores. Folding laundry, setting the table or walking the dog -- everyone pitches in. Parents who sacrifice and do it all end up being resentful. Everyone needs to feel that the others are doing their fair share.

They know how to fight. In families, as in life, conflict is inevitable. Mom is angry because the kids forgot to unload the dishwasher. Dad is irritated because the newspaper is torn apart. The kids are upset about the way allowances are allocated, and Grandma wants a part-time job. Arguing and bickering are normal, but happy families know how to fight without resorting to nasty name-calling or belittling each other's physical features. They talk, negotiate and try to compromise.

They give each other some space. Even in small, cramped bedrooms, no one invades another's privacy or property; they show respect and consideration.

They make time to be together. Finding time and energy for family activities can be difficult, but it's worth the effort. When families spend time together, they learn things about one another: individual likes, dislikes, fears, hopes and dreams."

Commitment is a strong key to happy families. Consider this story told by Margie H. Coburn:

"I had no idea she would be there. My apologies for her absence had been well-rehearsed.

When my high school home economics teacher announced that we would be having a formal mother-daughter tea, I felt certain I would not be serving my mother at this special event.

So I will never forget walking into the gaily decorated gym--and there she was! As I looked at her, sitting calmly and smiling, I imagined all the arrangements this remarkable woman must have had to make to be able to be with me for that one hour.

Who was looking after Granny? She was bedridden following a stroke, and Mom had to do everything for her. My three little sisters would be home from school before Mom got there. Who would greet them and look at their papers?

How did she get here? We didn’t own a car, and she couldn’t afford a taxi. It was a long walk to get the bus, plus at least five more blocks to the school. And the pretty dress she was wearing, red with tiny white flowers, was just right for the tea. It brought out the silver beginning to show in her dark hair. There was no money for extra clothes, and I knew she had gone into debt again at our coal company store to have it.

I was so proud! I served her tea with a happy, thankful heart, and introduced her boldly to the group when our turn came. I sat with my mother that day, just like the rest of the class, and that was very important to me. The look of love in her eyes told me she understood.

I have never forgotten. One of the promises I made to myself and to my children, as young mothers make promises, was that I would always be there for them. That promise is difficult to keep in today’s busy world. But I have an example before me that puts any lame excuses to rest. I just recall again when Mother came to tea."

So what does being committed to our family mean? It means that we give our hearts and our time to our family, no matter what the consequences may be. We commit to doing whatever is necessary to ensure family happiness.

"Commitment to your most important priority, your family, brings happiness!"

See you next month

Brad Stone

Families Worldwide