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| Afghanistan Weddings | ||
Weddings Give War-Weary Afghans Rare Chance to Relax
By David Fox PESHAWAR, Pakistan (Reuters) - When Nazir first met Sabra it was love at first sight -- just as well considering they had already been married for two hours. "She was as my sister told me," said Nazir, a week after tying the knot in the Pakistani border city of Peshawar. "She was very beautiful and modest. My parents had chosen well." Nazir and Sabra, who both hail from Kabul in neighboring Afghanistan, were married after a six-month negotiation between their families. They had never previously spoken to each other. Yet, according to Afghan marriage expert Raziq Khurshid, their match has more chance of succeeding than any wedding in the West. "It is not just a contract between two people," he told Reuters. "It is also a contract between two families. "Those two families are now one bigger family, and there will be pressure on the bride and groom to make sure it is successful for the family. It may not be Las Vegas with drive-in Chapels of Love, but weddings are big business in Peshawar these days -- particularly among Afghans looking for a chance to escape the U.S.-led bombing campaign. Weddings in Pakistan also offer the opportunity for some illicit fun -- such as music and dancing -- both prohibited by Afghanistan's hardline Taliban rulers. ESCAPE FROM RIGID TALIBAN "Definitely the Afghans like to be married in Peshawar," said Salamat Hussein, the owner of the Shiraz wedding hall, one of over two dozen similar establishments along one stretch of University Road in the dusty city. "Here people can relax and forget about their troubles they can be normal people," he said. Hussein estimated that wedding halls catered for around 50 Afghan weddings a week in Peshawar. Many more simple affairs also took place in the scores of refugee camps dotted around the area. All of these unions, he said, serve to underscore the uniqueness of Afghan culture and cement centuries-old traditions -- although many receptions these days borrow from Western weddings as well. "The first thing is for the couple to be before a Mullah (Muslim cleric) for a nikar ceremony which is where the bride and the groom are asked three times each if they will accept each other," said Khurshid. "Then he says 'man and wife' -- just like for Christians," although with Afghans the bride wears green and remains veiled even after the vows. In many cases the couple will not have met before -- rather it is the families that have courted each other. This means, however, that bride and groom usually come from similar socio-economic background, which does give them something in common to start off with. RELIGION AND TRADITION Although Islam says nothing of a bride price or dowry, Afghan tradition dictates that most brides are given as much gold jewelry as their family can afford. The gifts remain hers even in the rare cases of divorce. Unlike the West, it is up to the groom's family to pay for a reception -- usually as lavish an affair as they can afford. Peshawar's best hotel -- currently home to scores of foreign journalists covering the conflict in Afghanistan -- Tuesday hosted an Afghan wedding for 2,800 guests which the marketing manager said cost over $20 per head. "This is the biggest wedding I have ever catered," said Riaz Akhtar. "But we have many weddings of about 500 people." The guests at Tuesday's wedding were divided into two huge halls -- one for the men, and one for the women. "The men all tease the groom about what he can expect about what to do," said Hussein. "On the other side the women tell the girl how to behave also." It is a time of great fun, practical jokes and frivolity with young children -- not yet confined to the rigid division of the sexes -- serving as mischievous agents between the two. The men dance with each other -- the more daring bribing a waiter from the foreigners-only bar for a bottle of whisky to loosen their inhibitions. The women paint intricate patterns on the bride's hands and feet with henna. "The marriage is consummated after the party, then the bride goes home to tell her family about it," said Hussein. "After that, the groom comes to fetch her back. It is a happy time." Newly-wed Nazir, ever the gentlemen, refused to divulge details despite the imploring looks of his unmarried friends. "It is between man and wife," he said. "Now we will go back to Afghanistan and start our family." The bride was not available for interview. |
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