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| Address only-children's concerns | |
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Q: My husband and I chose to have one child. Our 9-year-old son
asks questions about why he doesn't have siblings, expresses his wish for
siblings, and seems to feel ``different'' than his friends because he is
an only child.
A: Whether a child has siblings or does not have siblings, he can perceive benefits and drawbacks in either situation.
A child who has siblings may feel he has limited time and attention from his parents because he must share them. Whereas, an only child may wish he had siblings to share family activities and experiences.
Remind your son there are no rules about how a family should look. Every family is unique. And every situation can have favorable and challenging aspects.
Let your son know that you understand his feelings and his desire to have a brother or sister. Talk to him about how he thinks his life would be different with siblings. Help him identify some of the advantages and disadvantages to being an only child versus being a child with siblings.
There are many positive aspects associated with being an only child, and you can help your son identify them.
Provide honest and age-appropriate answers to your son's questions. Explain that you and your spouse had one child and you feel so blessed and fortunate to be his parents.
When possible, expose your son to many types of families including families with many children, one child, stepchildren or half-siblings. Seek books and videos that include families with one child.
Because only children may spend a great deal of time in adult company, ensure that your son has opportunities to socialize with other children. Outings with peers, after-school clubs, religious or social organizations all encourage relationships with other children.
Additionally, friendships with same age peers will encourage your son to practice important peer relationship skills, including turn taking, sharing, conflict resolution, and managing differences.
Approximately 20 percent of children under age 18 are only children; and this number is growing. Families with only children are much more common today than previous decades. There are a number of books and Internet sites that offer support and resources for only children and their families.
If you continue to have concerns about your son's mood or behavior, seek professional support.
Your son can learn to experience the joys and challenges associated with being your only child. He can recognize that families come in all sizes and situations. And, he can value what is unique and special about his family.
Debbie Glasser Schenck, Ph.D. is the Director of Family Support Services at the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University. For information, call (954) 262-6900 or e-mail schenck@nova.edu
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