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| Changes after birth of child can be difficult to cope with | |
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A: Regardless of how many books expectant parents read, how many parents they speak with, or how much time they have spent with other people's children, there is almost no way to fully understand what life as a new parent will look like until it is experienced firsthand. Of course, there are a number of incredible joys associated with becoming a new parent. However, the transition from life without a child to life as a parent is a significant one.
Babies cry, sleep for small increments and require parents' full-time attention and love. Life with a newborn likely looks nothing like your life did a few months ago. You are in the process of creating a new routine, a new lifestyle and a new family. Maintain a sense of perspective and a sense of humor. While it feels like you will be waking up to cries every two hours indefinitely, this time will pass.
During these challenging times, try to appreciate the joys and blessings as well. For example, although waking in the middle of the night is exhausting, it also provides a peaceful opportunity for you to feed your daughter, hold her and experience her without the competing demands of the telephone or other distractions.
In order to feel patient and emotionally and physically available for your daughter, it is important to nurture yourself.
Enlist help from your partner, family or friends. Taking time for yourself will enable you to feel more rested and supported.
If you have full responsibility of your baby without the support of others, you can still create opportunities to care for yourself. Take a bath or read a favorite magazine or book while your baby naps.
Pursue friendships with other new parents. Parent-child classes provide wonderful opportunities to meet new parents and participate in playful, developmentally appropriate activities with your baby.
New parenthood does significantly alter marital relationships, in that a baby requires a great deal of time and energy that was previously spent with one another. However, there are things you can do to maintain your relationship as you experience this life transition together.
Let your partner know how much you appreciate his or her support. Find time for physical closeness, even a hug, to let each other know how much you value your relationship. Schedule special time together, even if it is 15 minutes while your baby sleeps. Enjoy sharing observations about your daughter and parenting experiences, but also talk about interests unrelated to parenthood.
Some women experience physiological responses after the birth of a baby that may promote feelings of extreme sadness or depression. If you find that you are sad a majority of the time, have feelings of hopelessness, or feel unable to care for yourself or your baby, seek professional support.
The transition to new parenthood is a significant one. However, you can develop strategies and support to help you and your family. And, you can feel prepared to welcome the many challenges and joys associated with parenthood, now and throughout life.
Debbie Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., is the director of Family Support Services at the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University. Call 954-262-6900 or e-mail schenck@nova.edu |
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