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| Walking the walk of faith | |
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Monday, April 05, 1999 By David Briggs In the eyes of children, God is the parent of parents, a real heavenly father. But ask them who represents God in their lives, and it can be mom or dad, aunts or uncles, grandmothers or grandfathers, teachers or priests. Only one thing matters, and it is not so much what children learn in Sunday school or at worship services. It's all about how adults in their homes, churches, mosques and synagogues walk the walk of faith. In conversations with hundreds of children, kids throughout Northeast Ohio see God in the actions of others. They look at a parent falling on his knees to pray for someone who insulted him at work and see God. They hear a grandparent listening to them without judging them and hear God. Lee Liggins, a cheerful eighth-grader at St. John Lutheran School in South Euclid, feels the arms of God embracing him throughout his extended family. If his mom and dad are not talking to him about what is going on in his life, an aunt whom he refers to as the "overseer" and a grandmother who continually asks him "Would God do that? Would Jesus do that?" are taking a close interest in him. An uncle who lives across the street takes him to church and to Bible concerts. "Who represents God to you in this world?" Lee is asked. "My mom and my dad and my auntie and my grandma and my uncle," Lee said without hesitation. "Because they are always around me, looking out for me, and making sure I don't do nothing wrong." Faith rubs off Until sundown Saturday, he will not ride in a car, watch television or play video games. When his uncle got tickets to a World Series game, the diehard Indians fan had to say no. It is the commitment of his mom, who converted to Judaism, that allows him to keep the faith, Spencer says. "I think it's very important that my mom required me to be Jewish because I'm 13 and I find it very hard to be Jewish" when many of his peers lead far less restrictive lives, said Spencer, an eighth-grader at Fuchs Bet Sefer Mizrachi of Cleveland. Want to raise a religious kid? Be a religious parent. Research shows clergy, friends and formal religious training all affect the faith of young people, but nothing is more important than the example set by mom and dad. In a 1995 Associated Press Poll, seven in 10 adolescents said their parents had done the most to shape their attitudes toward religion. Only one in 10 cited a clergy member. Several studies have found that baby boomers who seldom attend worship services - or even those who make it clear they are only going for the sake of their kids - are raising children who are even more likely to drop any religious affiliation as adults. In a study of "marginal" Protestants, people who seldom or never attend church, researchers from Stamford University and the United Church Board of Homeland Ministries found people who believed infrequent attendance was acceptable or that church is primarily "for the children" were rearing children with even more tenuous ties to churches. Those "lifelong marginals" are likely rearing children who no longer identify themselves as church members, researchers said. In a study of college students in the United States and Canada, sociologists at the University of Calgary found that other than a gradual drift into disbelief, "hypocrisy among church members" was the most common explanation given by those students who left their childhood faith. If kids know hypocrisy when they see it, they also are profoundly influenced by examples of faith in their lives. In the fifth-grade classroom at New Covenant Christian Academy in Walton Hills, a young girl sees God in her grandmother, who goes to church four times a week and practices her faith outside the sanctuary. "When my mom was out of money, she gave my mom enough money to get her food and said she would get her medicine tomorrow," she said. Christian Crayton, a classmate, experiences God when her father comes home from a tough day at work at a boys' school and asks God's mercy on those who trespassed against him. "My dad gets on his hands and knees and prays for them because they yelled at him," Christian said. "He doesn't get real mad. He doesn't yell." God is not some divine Santa Claus to these children. Listening to some 300 children, not one mentioned an expensive gift or a Disney World-type vacation as an example of God's presence in their lives. Over and over, children said they found God in simple acts in which adults spend time with them in a caring way. Religious instruction, when combined with a personal touch, makes particularly deep impressions on kids. Christopher Katsaros, 9, of St. Matthew the Evangelist Antiochian Orthodox Church, said it made him feel good when his mother comes down and lies beside him to say prayers together. Ashley Spates, a fifth-grader at St. John Lutheran School in South Euclid, said her mother read a chapter out of a children's Bible to her every night. She likes the stories such as Noah's Ark and the Prodigal Son, but it is the act of her mother devoting the time to her each night that makes Ashley feel closer to God. "I feel that she loves me very much and she'll just do whatever it takes to make me understand what I need to understand," Ashley said of her mother. It sounds a lot like what she says of God: "I feel protected and loved and he'll do anything if it's necessary." In their conversations about God, dozens of children mentioned the importance of having God to talk to, and being able to bring up things they are afraid to tell their parents because they will yell at them, while God listens and forgives. For some, those times when their parents show them the same compassion are the moments when they feel closest to God. Taylor Zupancic, a fourth-grader at Pilgrim Congregational Church, felt the presence of God when he was suspended last year for fighting in the school cafeteria. The boy said he was defending a friend who was being teased and the other kid threw the first punch. When he got home, his mother offered her forgiveness and greeted him just like he believes God would have. "She hugged me," Taylor said. "She didn't whup me." Grandparents close to God In an age of high divorce rates, two-parent working families and a dearth of family programs at many churches, older people often find both their children and their grandchildren looking to them for guidance. "Like it or not, it appears that the role of spiritual adviser is increasingly taken over by grandparents," Tufts University professor David Elkind said in his book "Grandparenting: Understanding Today's Children." When Greater Cleveland kids were asked who helped them envision God in their lives, many thought first of grandma and grandad. Jonathan Weiner, an eighth-grader at Fuchs Bet Sefer, finds inspiration in the life of his grandmother. The Polish native was shot escaping from a train to the concentration camps during the Holocaust, and lost both her husband and son during World War II. It took a long time, Jonathan said, but she regained her faith, a journey not lost on her grandson. "She keeps on going and going," Jonathan says with awe of his 86-year-old grandmother. "She still believes in God. She still goes to temple, which is pretty amazing." Sociologist Bernard Spilka, former head of the religion division of the American Psychological Association, said grandparents occupied a special status in children's lives. "They're above their parents," Spilka said. "They seem to have a kind of emotional power, an imaging" of God that in part has its origins in popular pictures of God as an older person with a beard. Ashley Randall, a fifth-grader at West Shore Unitarian Church, has her own theory. "People's grandparents are their gods because they are the next persons to meet him," she said. Partly in preparation for that meeting, God has given them special advice such as to be nice to their grandchildren, according to Ashley. When she is with her grandparents, Ashley says, she can talk about anything, from the size of the universe to what is going on in her life. "You can talk about stuff you normally wouldn't talk about. . . . Your grandparents are sort of like the way you can talk to God," Ashley said. "Grandparents are like sacred parents." ý/subhed/k1þFreedom nourishes faith "When you turn about 13, you should make your own choice," said Will Vazquez of St. Matthew Antiochian Orthodox Church. Force older kids against their will, he and some other children said, and "you won't really want to go to church when you're grown up." At the same time, there is almost universal assent that they are glad their parents provided them with a religious upbringing. There are times when God is the only person you can talk to, children say. Rebecca Evans, a fifth-grader at St. Thomas the Apostle School in Sheffield Lake, worried about upsetting her parents by talking to them about how she felt when her grandfather died. And last Christmas, when her finger got smashed in a door and she was facing a big needle at the urgent care center, "I said, "God's going to help me get through this pain.' " It was God who assured Rebecca her grandfather was in a better place, and it was God who told her everything would be OK in the doctor's office. "God understands everything," Rebecca said. "When I don't want to talk to my parents about things, I can always talk to him." ©1999 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. © 1999 Cleveland Live. All rights reserved. |
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