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Wednesday, March 31, 1999
By Marlene Habib
The Canadian Press
TORONTO (CP) -- Sick of Dr. Spock or not. Here's another
jab at parents' kid-rearing skills.
A poll released Tuesday found that about half of 1,645
Canadian moms and dads surveyed don't have the confidence or
smarts to raise well-adjusted kids.
Modern science tells us newborns need cuddling, cooing
and compassion for healthy development because their brains are
sponges that soak in emotional and educational stimulation.
But many parents don't get it, said researchers with the
non-profit Invest in Kids Foundation, which was formed in 1992
to help children and develop resources for parents.
Nearly half of respondents hadn't learned babies need "emotional
closeness" to become intellectual heavyweights. Less than
half realized reading, playing with, touching and holding babies
as they develop will give them brain power.
The foundation says too many children who are "not
getting what they need" are overly aggressive and become
anti-social adults; nearly one-fifth of schoolkids have emotional
or behavioural problems; and suicide among adolescents has increased
fourfold over the past three decades.
Still, Dr. Freda Martin, a psychiatrist for more than a
quarter century and foundation adviser, said parents shouldn't
take the poll personally, because it takes a community to raise
a child.
According to the poll, only half of parents received enough
emotional and practical support to elevate them to super-nurturing
status.
Senator Landon Pearson, a children's advocate, said the
most disturbing finding is that parents feel abandoned. The poll,
she said, reflects cutbacks in services helping parents with
small kids.
Being family-friendly is also about attitude, she added.
"Just smiling at a young mother who goes by with her baby
is better than frowning."
Happy faces don't come so easy for a whole generation of
parents raised on the kid-rearing bible Baby and Child Care released
in 1946 by Dr. Benjamin Spock. They're now force-fed countless
studies -- Invest in Kids being the latest -- and resources by
an array of so-called child experts.
There are diverse viewpoints about whether to spank a child,
for instance, and whether it's healthier to comfort a child or
let him or her cry.
Information overload is making parents anxious.
"People have to have the freedom to roll with the
punches and go by their own instincts," said Martin.
They also need support, which is slipping away as the family
unit disintegrates, she said.
Single parents and two-income families are too busy making
ends meet and escorting activity-loaded kids around to take advantage
of limited parenting programs and resources, said foundation
members.
Some parents and counsellors not linked with Invest in
Kids believe there's a parenting-information backlash.
"Parents are overwhelmed by the different expert advice
out there," said Sara Dimerman, mother of a seven-year-old
and a volunteer with Canadian Parents Online (www.canadianparents.com).
The Internet Web site offers chat rooms and advice on a range
of child-rearing topics.
More parents worry about whether "they're screwing
their kids up for life" if they send them to their room
or allow them to cry through the night, said Dimerman, director
of the Parent Education and Resource Centre.
She advocates choosing your own parenting style, based
on your upbringing, instinct and a basic understanding of what
the experts say is healthy.
Dimerman will be speaking about the historical perspectives
of child-rearing at the Parenting Now conference in Kingston,
Ont., on April 24.
Topics include lesbian and gay parenting, which goes to
show that raising the millennium generation isn't as cut-and-dried
as it used to be.
Straight
from the polls
Some findings from a poll of 1,645 Canadian parents on
their knowledge of raising kids under age six:
92 per cent believe being a parent is of utmost importance.
85 per cent are certain babies learn from birth.
51 per cent know emotional closeness with a baby can influence
intellectual development.
47 per cent know a child needs stimulation, like being read to,
comforted and held, for peak brain development.
34 per cent know that a child's experiences before age three
will greatly influence his or her ability to do well in school.
Eight per cent know a baby less than six months old can get depressed.
29 per cent are sure they can help a child develop physically,
13 per cent say they can aid emotional development, 17 per cent
say they can help a child develop intellectually, and 13 per
cent know how to advance a child socially.
Half of parents lack confidence in their parenting skills, one-third
don't understand their kids' feelings and needs, half don't know
how to handle difficult situations with their kids.
Source:--Invest in Kids Foundation.
CP 1646ES 30-03-99
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