March 25, 1999

by Lee Bowman
Scripps Howard News Service

Parents of preteens are covering some heavy ground with their children these days -- drugs and alcohol, violence, AIDS and pregnancy -- according to a new survey.
But according to their children, they're not giving them all the information they want early enough, a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Children Now found. The two groups are also co-sponsors of the Talking With Kids About Tough Issues campaign.
"The 'big talk' isn't what it used to be. It now needs to be super-sized," said Matt James, senior vice president with the foundation. "When parents today talk with their kids about tough issues, that means covering the basics and more."
The window of opportunity to be a child's best source is narrow. At 10 to 12 years of age, 38 percent of children said they find out "a lot" about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs and violence from their mothers -- equal to TV and movies and school and teachers, with fathers trailing at 34 percent and friends at 31 percent.
But in the 13- to 15-year-old bracket, 61 percent rely on friends, 61 percent on TV and movies, 44 percent on schools and teachers, 40 percent on the Internet and 38 percent still talking with Mom. Dads fall off the top five source chart.
And early teens said they were about twice as likely as preteens to seek advice from someone other than their parents if they were thinking about having sex, dealing with pressure to have sex or dealing with pressure to drink.
The survey found that at least three of four parents of 10- to 12-year-olds have talked about drugs and alcohol (90 percent), violence (85 percent), drinking and driving (82 percent), AIDS (78 percent), and how girls get pregnant (73 percent.)
But the parents indicate they're still ducking some of the more difficult conversations about sex:
Fifty-four percent have not talked about how to handle peer pressure to have sex.
Fifty percent have not discussed how to know when you're ready to have sex.
Fifty-four percent have not talked about how drugs and alcohol might affect decisions to have sex.
Thirty-eight percent have not discussed how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Among the 10- to 12-year-olds, 50 percent said they wanted more information about how to protect against HIV/AIDS and what to do if someone brings a gun to school, 44 percent want to know more about how to handle pressure to have sex, and 43 percent want more discussion of how to know if they're ready to have sex and how drugs and alcohol might influence their decisions.
"Parents have a powerful window of opportunity if they talk with their children early and often," said Lois Salisbury, president of Children Now. "Our campaign encourages parents to use everyday activities, including TV programs, events at school and issues with friends, as talk opportunities."
The survey found encouraging news for the 57 percent of parents who said they have talked openly with their children about sex, including relationships and becoming sexually active:
Seventy-two percent of their children said they would go to a parent first to deal with pressure to have sex vs. 57 percent who had not talked openly;
Sixty-seven percent would go to their parents if they were thinking about having sex vs. 51 percent who hadn't talked;
Sixty-six percent would go their parents if they were worried about being pregnant or having gotten someone pregnant vs. 49 percent of the group who hadn't had frank discussions.
The campaign provides direct help to parents with booklets and other materials available by calling 800-CHILD-44, and on line at www.talkingwithkids.org.

©1999 Philadelphia Newspapers Inc.

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