March 23, 1999

By CYNTHIA RICHMOND, Special to The Times

Dear Cynthia: For five months--ever since our baby was born--there's been a recurring theme to my dreams. I am packing to go on a trip of some sort and can't find what I need. I'm looking in my drawer for my clothes to pack, but I can't see them. Nor can I find my suitcase. Once I get to the airport, I find I've forgotten my purse and don't have my picture I.D. or my plane ticket. During the dreams I feel anxious, and sometimes this anxiety lasts into the following day (as it did today, prompting me to write this).
Having our child has definitely been a life-changing (and anxiety-producing) experience. But we have taken a couple of trips since we had the baby, with no real mishaps.
Any light you could shed on this would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
KATHY SILIANOFF
Woodland Hills
Dear Reader: Having a baby is a blessed and joyful event, but it certainly changes one's life. Even the best-prepared mother will find herself at times feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or just plain stressed. Your dream reflects these feelings. You can't find what you need: Perhaps your things have been moved to make room for the baby's.
Clothing represents the roles we play in life. When you look at your clothes in your drawer and don't see them, you don't see your old role anymore. You've forgotten your purse and I.D.; your identity has changed, from childless woman to mommy.
The anxiety you feel during the dream reflects the real-life anxiety you write about. As a new mom, you are under a lot of pressure. You may grieve the loss of freedom and feel guilty about those feelings. You may have anxiety over your ability to do a good job of parenting, or over the state of the world your child will inherit.
Talking with other mothers of young children can be invaluable. It does get easier. But if you find the anxiety persisting, you may want to take advantage of a new-mom support group. New moms can be sensitive about asking for help, but taking advantage of these groups is not a sign of weakness or failure.
* Fax your dreams to Cynthia Richmond at (213) 237-0732 or e-mail them to in.your.dreams@worldnet.att.net. Please include your hometown and a daytime phone number. "In Your Dreams" appears every Tuesday and should be read for entertainment purposes only.
* Cynthia Richmond explains children's dreams on our Kids' Reading Room page every Wednesday.

Copyright 1999 Los Angeles Times. All Rights Reserved

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