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May 12, 1999
THE MINNESOTA PUBLIC RADIO Civic
Journalism Initiative with the help of facilitators Jayne Marecek
and Ken Darling of Express/The SMARTT Group asked 150 people
in forums in Willmar, Virginia, and Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota
how to strengthen family life. Below are ideas that grew from
their suggestions. They are yours to use or adapt to your own
needs.
What families can do to strengthen family
life
What places
of worship
What schools
What workplaces
What neighborhoods
What communities
What health
care and social services
What
families can do to strengthen family life
- Weekly Family Meetings:
When Mary Lou Werner of Willmar was growing up, her family
had a family council meeting once a week. All family members
met together that night to discuss who would walk the dog, who
would prepare dinner the night mom was busy, and who would do
the dishes. Treats were served to make it a pleasant experience.
- My Calendar Day:
Margaret Skolnes of Moorhead told of her project called My
Calendar Day. Each family member gets to choose a day to call
his or her own, a day on which that person gets to pick the menu,
watch the TV shows he or she wants, and choose the family activities.
- Sunday Sundae:
A Twin Cities TV anchor apparently gets the family together
each Sunday night to serve ice cream sundaes. Another person
we know makes pizza from scratch every Friday night. Forums members
thought these great ideas to get families together.
- Family Rituals:
The more rituals a family had in the course of the year, forum
members said, the stronger and more cohesive that family unit
would become. Obviously, families don't have to have rituals
365 days a year, but it wouldn't hurt to aim for a couple of
times a week. If they add that to holiday rituals, annual summer
vacation, and the intentional family day here or there, the number
of times a family comes together can be increased fairly easily.
- Family Get Aways:
In every forum around the state, at least one person talked
about how important it was to go on vacations together - and
the more isolated the vacation spot, the better - no friends,
no phones, no television. Doug Wilkowske of Willmar said the
Boundary Waters Canoe Area was undoubtedly his family's best
vacation experience. Although it wasn't perfect and even included
a dunking that made his kids mad, they worked together as a family
unit, said Wilkowske, and that's what's important. Try one- or
two-day vacations, first perhaps a camping trip, a stop at a
nearby resort or take a day trip to the zoo, the museum or a
hike at a nearby nature center.
What
places of worship can do to strengthen family life
- Family to Family Sponsors:
Family-to-Family Sponsorship through churches was a key idea
to emerge from the Burnsville Family Forum. However it's defined,
families can strengthen one another by sharing resources, providing
positive examples, and offering emotional and practical support.
Here's one example: "When our daughter was four years old,
I thought she needed to learn how to share," says Cheryl
Stangler. So each year, through Bloomington's Nativity Church,
the Stanglers have sponsored a different family for Christmas.
Nativity makes the connection between the families, providing
information about children's ages and clothing sizes. Together
the Stanglers buy gifts for the other family and spend an afternoon
wrapping them. "It made me aware when I was very young that
there were a lot of kids my own age that went without the things
[I took for granted]," says daughter Karin, now 23. "It
was a valuable lesson."
- Family Suggestion Box:
Joel Flom and his group in Moorhead came up with the idea
of a family-oriented suggestion box that can be used in churches.
Let's say little Johnny puts a note in the box suggesting that
the church should talk more about dads spending time with kids.
Or a mom says kids need to know more about sexuality, and wonders
what role religion should have in that discussion. The church's
pastor can choose an interesting suggestion from the box and
then speak to it from the pulpit or somehow get the church involved
in the issue.
What
schools can do to strengthen family life
- Family/Community Education Schools:
School outreach tends to center around what families can do
for schools, not what schools can do for families. Our forum
members liked the family friendly idea with one group even suggesting
that schools remain open 24 hours a day to help families. The
family-friendly school might market itself in its own community,
just as the Minnesota Zoo or Bell Museum of Natural History markets
itself on metro- and statewide levels. Whole families could take
classes together in a foreign language, baking - you name it.
Learning would be for everyone, which would remind the adults
that it's not always easy being a student.
- Bring Parents to School Day:
Promote a Bring Your Parents to School Day similar to the
Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
- Family Lunch Day:
On this day parents are invited to have lunch at their children's
school, maybe in a special room or at a certain table in the
cafeteria.
- Senior Citizen School Day:
Linda Whitman of Brooklyn Center says that the first Thursday
of every month is senior lunch day at Brooklyn Center's Earle
Brown Elementary School. The idea is to reintroduce senior citizens
to a school environment and to teach them what's happening in
the schools. Some might even go on to volunteer in the schools.
What
workplaces can do to strengthen family life
- Company, Art, Cultural, Sports Ticket Exchanges:
"Swede" Stelzer said the owners of Maintenance Engineering,
his employer in South Fargo, instead of making outright donations
to area sports teams and arts groups, often buys large blocks
of tickets, which it distributes to employees' families through
an in-company lottery. Certainly corporations that want to reward
their employees and strengthen family ties could collaborate
with arts, cultural, and sports organizations in making blocks
of tickets available and forming family-friendly events. There
could even be a clearinghouse where connections could be made
between ticket sellers and companies seeking tickets for workers'
families.
- Noontime Family Discussion:
One forum member suggested that companies could hold noontime
parenting and other family-related discussions. An employee committee
could take care of the details and choose the speakers, based
on input from workers.
- Company/Family Activity Centers:
At the Virginia forum, Brad Meyers described how his employer,
Minntac in Mountain Iron, opened a career development center
for its employees. The center is supported in part by a 10-cent-an-hour
deduction from employee paychecks. Subjects taught at the center
include computer programming, financial planning, taxidermy,
and algebra. Last summer one class started to build a garage
from the foundation up in order to teach carpentry and other
building skills. Employees' spouses and children over 16 years
old make up about half the class participants. Families are spending
time together and learning new skills at the same time.
- I've-Got-a-Sick-Kid-at-Home Work Kit:
Another idea from forum participants was a way to help parents
with sick kids at home. With email and voice mail, a person can
easily work from home today. Companies that rely on office workers
might put together an "I've-Got-a-Sick-Kid-at-Home Work
Kit," which could contain a portable computer, an internal
modem, an internal fax, a printer, and some company stationery.
When an employee calls in, the company would send the kit to
the employee's house via messenger, thus allowing employees to
stay home with their sick children while getting their work done
at the same time.
What
neighborhoods can do to strengthen family life
- Neighborhood Directories:
Gonzalo "Marty" Martinez - who once invited his
entire neighborhood up to his summer camp - and his group in
Burnsville suggested putting together a neighborhood phone directory.
It could also include each person's areas of expertise, advice,
and assistance. For example, a good gardener might be willing
to share tips with a neophyte or an older isolated widow might
be willing to have tea with a younger woman in need of a parenting
mentor.
- Community Livingrooms:
Under the direction of Freeport West, Eileen Smith of Minneapolis
brings together a handful of neighborhoods for what's being called
the Community Livingroom. It is designed to bring people together
to talk about common concerns and help each other on an individual
level. The idea is to help individuals get stronger, said Freeport
West's founder Stephanie Ball, which will ultimately strengthen
the family and, in turn, the whole community.
What
communities can do to strengthen family life
- Family Days:
It may be time for whole communities to designate special
times as family time. During that time there is no soccer practice,
no phone calls, no play practice. Just family time. Maybe it
is a Sunday night or a Tuesday night. Each community can have
its own time or it can be a statewide voluntary designated time.
What
health care and social services can do to strengthen family life
- Family Doctors:
When posed the question of how health care agencies can help
build stronger families, one woman spoke of longing for a family
doctor. Elizabeth Augustine agreed and said, "They used
to treat a family, then the person, and now the parts. I am tired
of going from specialist to specialist." The group decided
that families who wanted a physician for the whole family should
have that option. Family doctors will know the family dynamics,
which is important in health care. Oddly, the hospice program
was suggested as a model for treating illness because it is a
caring approach involving the whole family. Said one woman, "They
should personalize the health process like they have the end
of life process."
- Family Advocates in Hospitals:
In Burnsville, participants also suggested more family connections
be instituted at hospitals. They suggested a health care advocate
be assigned to each hospital patient, who then becomes the family's
liaison, a person they can contact with any questions relating
to the patient's hospital stay or aftercare.
- Outreach for Rural Nontraditional Families:
On the social service side, Frank Bills of Willmar said that
rural communities need more outreach programs for nontraditional
families. In smaller communities, single mothers, people in mixed
race marriages, and other nontraditional families often feel
not only isolated but ostracized. The Hibbing Family Resource
Center provides a Monday night open house during which parents
can share pizza while they support each other and discuss common
challenges. This open house is a low-cost way of helping people
help themselves.
Minnesota Family Project
© Copyright 1999, Minnesota Public Radio
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