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A WANTED CHILD
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May 5, 1999 A modified version of this article appeared in the News and Observer (Raleigh, NC) on January 15, 1998. Twenty-five years ago, there was a pregnant woman in Kentucky in very bad circumstances. She had three neglected children already and no money, and it is believed that she had a drinking problem. If the feminists' vision of "every child a wanted child" had existed, it is doubtful whether hers would have been born. In February, the woman gave birth to a baby girl whom she named Joy. As Joy spent her early years in a succession of foster homes, it seemed that she might never be "a wanted child." Then a young Army couple who already had one daughter made the decision to adopt another, and suddenly Joy was wanted after all. Joy became my sister when I was three-years-old. I can't remember the day she joined our family, but our mother will never forget her first sight of the skinny little girl badly in need of a bath, carrying everything she owned in a paper bag. Our parents had made only one stipulation when applying to adopt: They wanted a child who needed a family. That was exactly the child we got. I wish I could say that Joy's story was one of those dream-come-true, happy-ever-after fairy tales. Unfortunately, five years of abuse and neglect had left their scars. As a child, Joy hoarded food and told me scary stories of being hit with a hairbrush and chained to a crib. Today, although she has come a long way in putting together the life she wants for herself, Joy still struggles with a poor self-image, afraid to trust the people who love her. Joy's story illustrates why many women in unplanned pregnancies reject the idea of putting their children up for adoption. They can't stand to think of those children being badly treated by some stranger. Instead, they choose to end their pregnancies by abortion. It is true that Joy's life has not been easy. But what was the alternative? Her life could have ended before she saw daylight, in an act of violence greater than any that later happened to her. She could have been ripped out of her mother's womb, thrown into a dumpster, and forgotten. She would never have become my sister or our parents' daughter. She would never have held me on her lap and comforted me when I broke my new doll, or taken my hand to help me cross the street (as she would have done until I was 20 if I hadn't finally told her to knock it off). I would never have calmed her fears during a thunderstorm or taught her to pick out songs with one finger on the piano. A million secrets, games, fights and laughs that we shared simply would not have happened. Underneath the passionate demands and sophisticated arguments for freedom of choice, underneath the claims that a woman should do whatever she wants with her own body, this is what the abortion decision means: A child lives, or a child dies. I know which alternative Joy would have chosen for herself, despite all the struggles and problems she would one day face. It was the alternative she chose for her own child when she found herself in an unplanned pregnancy nearly three years ago. By carrying her son nine months, giving birth to him, and placing him in the arms of a Christian couple longing for a baby, Joy showed that she knows the worth of a life better than many of the "experts." As we look back this month on 25 years of Roe v. Wade, we don't know what would have happened to the more than 30 million who were aborted. We do know what happened to one who was not aborted. Joy's life has been difficult, but thank God she was given the opportunity to live it. She is wanted and loved more than anyone would have expected, and she has hope for her future. This year -- three-and-a-half weeks after the anniversary of Roe -- Joy will celebrate her 25th birthday. More than 30 million others will never celebrate theirs.
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